If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
