now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
