Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will be naked everywhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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