Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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