he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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