I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
