Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
