i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
