Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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