I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
God I need to hump something, right now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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