hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
