Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
NoShamevember. You game?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im part way to drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
