I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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