I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
