im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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