Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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