I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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