I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Everyone says I win the strip club
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
