R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
