the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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