Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
