i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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