I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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