bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
