did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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