did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm going to jail i love you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
