So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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