I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
