My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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