i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
