my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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