mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.