you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
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just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.