I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD