I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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