please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
