Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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