She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
