Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Apparently you make a good broom.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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