How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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