Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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