Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
