People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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