I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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