You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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