Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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