i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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