next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
