i think my tv is drunk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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