Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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