guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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