very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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