spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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