You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
