i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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