If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize