We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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