i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
