In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
