i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
