He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
