My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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