Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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