Ambien. No doubt about it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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