College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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