dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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