oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
