you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have post one night stand depression
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