I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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