4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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