I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
