I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
