His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
