Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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