hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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