We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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