apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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