i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
