she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am available for nakedness
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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