Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
