I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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