there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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