Umm I'm too high to move.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
